Am I obsessed?
by Speedy-anime-angel
Summary: Well the title says pretty much all. This story kind describe ma own situation so i would really love for some suggestions. the first chap give a general idea and is in first narrative so you guys can guess who the speaker is. well R


I'm using first narrative here, so give you a chance of guessing who de speaker is and who the guy she was talking about is. Well enjoy!  
  
Am I obsessed? The question retorted in my mind restlessly and a wave of fury seized my body. Am I obsessed? I shot another try and this time was bounced back with the same eerie silence. My eye lid began to flicker and drop slightly as my keen eyes melted into a quizzical stare. I closed my eyes letting the darkness engulf me. In the pitched dark that blocked my eyes, there I sensed a miffed rattle. Laughter? My face stirred feverishly, and was staked with a drowsy dizziness at his voice. A soothing tone that was able to make my leg go mush. I pulled an impish face and grimaced sourly. Why can't I stop thinking him? My shrieking voice squealed out loud tumbling with harsh frustration. Again the question receded back to my mind. Am I obsessed? My skin prickled at the sound of that.  
  
I can't answer that, I intoned myself in a dry voice. Though I do know one thing, I want to see him. My grip on the teddy bear snuggled in my embrace tightened. My malevolent stare reverted to the window forcing the thought of him away. Go away! A tart voice warned deviously. After a momentary pause, I chuckled stiffly. Just as I expected, he still remained glued to my mind. Why! The pleasing tone urged inside me flushing a ruffle of hot sizzles dancing in my spine. Cuz you love him! Another voice heaped in return. My pupil dilated, stunned with bewilderment. Where did that voice come from? I give off a monstrous grunt and shifted in my seat. I do NOT love him. I don't even know if I like him! Hell I never even talked to him! I quickly pressed down the scream caught in my throat and instead thrust my fish against the wall. My hand winced and a surge of pain seeped through my skin. My eyes twitched lightly and gingerly I tilted my body and laid a rub on the wall. Heat evaporated from my face and slowly the spider feet stomping on my chest vanished. The anger build up in my chest inched away little by little and faded. I am NOT obsessed! I stated soberly after I clambered on my bed again. I am not obsessed . . . I muttered indignantly in a slurred tone, thinking that if I repeated it over and over, it would somehow become true.  
  
Casting a heavy sign, my cold, slanted eyes settled onto the picture I secretly took of him without his notice. A pearl of tear squeezed out of the corner of my eyes and slide down my check. Why do I like you? I lurched a deranged glare at him and brought my leg closer with my hand hugged around them. I lowered my face and bended perilously close to the picture.  
  
A simple smile was plastered on his face. He was dressed in light blue jeans and a long sleeve white shirt mixed with streak of blue on the bottom. I remembered the first time I noticed him, the thought that first raced to me was how skinny he is, then the idea of cute. At that time, I never knew I had fall for him, I think I took serious of the fact when I was talking to my friend and he was just aside me as of by some reason leaning a ear over to our conversation. When he swept a glance at my face, I felt a strange sensation flooded in my body. Every nerve of my body stiffened and hint of red noted on my cheek. My skin crawled under this boiling feeling till he left. I could only stare blankly, and thought what was that? In this picture, he was again tagging along with his friend, his eyes were focused acutely on them who was acting wild and fooling around. He somehow remained calm with a relish look tinted on his face. His hand was stuffed in his pocket and in a gesture of leaning against the wall.  
  
I smiled gloomily. Somehow looking at him lightened me up. I managed a croaky giggle and the chewed my lip in pondering. Maybe my friend had a point. Maybe this is love at first sight. Sometimes out of the whole crowd hovering in front of you, you are able to spot that one person. That one person you know nothing about but it immensely pulled toward to. Then again is this only attraction and not actually like? I sneaked another peek at his face and slumped down grumpily on my back. The glistened light streaming from the ceiling made my head spin and pulled out more questions. If it is really only attraction, do I enjoy it? The time I cried when my friend informed me that he was behaving closely to a very pretty girl. I solemnly stated I don't care since I made no attempt of being close to him or even just say hi. Somehow strangely when I arrived to my next block, tears stung in my eyes and I felt a bottomless pit of sorrow touched me. I didn't know why I cried, did I really care? So do I enjoy this unsettling feeling it give? A pointless merry feeling mixed with streak of agony.  
  
I don't know. I shrugged sullenly. So what do I want from him? Love? My neck clenched like a fist and I quickly shook my head. No, not yet, not until I actually get to know him. The same question flowed triggered in my mind. If I don't know him in the first place, then how was you able to connect and link feeling to him? I yanked my head and brooded in absent silence. All these feelings and questions are wearing me out. I need to trace out my first step. Is it too late? Now that school is over, and my chance is as well.  
  
I narrowed my eyes in a thin slit that was barely visible. Yes I lost the chance. Lines collected and formed on my forehead. I lost the chance of seeing him, let go talking to him now that school is over. I shuddered inwardly and my mind swept back to recalling memories.  
  
I was walking around the school with my friend during break time. We were again chatting like normal and retelling events. I listened to them with interest and crackled into laughter here and there. Suddenly I sensed my body goes rigid and my smile instantly erased from my face. I heard a piercing voice shouting in my mind and felt my hand clutch into a fist. I felt a surge of beat stomping against my chest halting my breath. Thunder drummed in my mind and every nerve of my body was pulled to him. I yanked my head and saw him. A simple smile was dipped on his face as he listened to his friend joke around and acting wild. He seemed somewhat pale, keen, his penetrating eyes shined and lighted but he did not join them. Instead he listened to them with calm dignity. There he stood, and my eyes were pinned fixedly on him, a relish and cherishing feeling howled in my body. My friend exchanged glances but kept quiet till we passed the spot. I felt my body slink down and the agonizing pain receded from my body. I thanked my friend silently that they did not go crazy and release any sort of hints to attract his attention to me. Yes he doesn't know me, but the attraction of wanting to say hi is driving me nut. I don't know if it's me or delusional or any sort, somehow the tip of my eyes watched him sneaking me a peek. I shook my head and quickly joined my friend.  
  
Another event blocked in front of my eyes. I remembered that day. My friend was giving me queer looks and playfully punching me. I looked ahead and there his figure sat before my eyes and glued to me like an image. I coughed and straightened my back from acting awkward. A relish look smothered cross my face when my friend nudged me to prance forward. I shrugged my shoulder sullenly and shoot them a devious glare to stop the act. Again this time I caught his back slink and out of my imagination he shot me a quick glimpse and looked away. I dropped my jaws and felt pointlessly perplexed, that probably meant nothing. I smiled dryly and turned my back to leave.  
  
My eyes danced with sparkles when I slumped myself on the stairs and waited for my friends to come so we can walk home together. Usually I'm the last one, but today was an exception, I somehow was the first. I grinned gleefully recalling to my highest mark in the whole class for the previous test. Fidgeting and shifting in my seat, I hummed briskly and titled my eyes to only come to face to face with him. His direct stare caught between my taken back glance. He was looking at me? A rush of heat escaped on my cheek as I sensed my face burning into beet red. I quickly looked away and to bottle away my shock. After a momentary pause, slowly, my eyes inched gingerly to his face again and found him looking out the window. He was alone; his shoulder was sagged with his hand stuffed in his pocket. I gulped and shivered inwardly. How can this be? The whole stairway and there is only me and him. My mind howled and vibrated with restlessness, I bit into my lips to stop the overwhelmed feeling inside to burst and shoving me to him. I did nothing. My eyes were firmly fazed onto him, but as if my tongue was caught, no sound chirped out. We remained that way till one of my friends came and greeted me with her news that had ended the pocket of mist lay among us.  
  
Events similar to this repeated over and over for the last month before school when I started noticing him. Several times, he was only inches set from me but the mounting dismay buried in me stopped me from going to him. Shameful, I fumed. Though somehow as if I took a like in the attraction of saying hi, and every time acting reluctant, I didn't feel so down at my failure. One because I didn't feel anxious over not able to see him anymore and second somehow I wanted to remain that way. Wanting to say hi but still caught in the taste of not been able to. That is until now I no longer can see him for more than two month of summer vacation. I miss him, terribly . . .  
  
I never felt so strong to say hi, to hear his voice, to feel his glance direct at me. I want to know him! A howling sound roared and drummed in my ears. Yes I do, but I don't know how . . . and I don't know if I'm lying to myself by saying I'm not obsessed.  
  
I fiddled in my seat and searched for the phone. The minutes I placed my stare at the numbers, the prompt answer sank in front of me. Getting his msn, this is my only hope. And hopefully my friends would have his.  
  
What you think? PLEASE REVIEW and give me motivation to write more! Don't forget to vote who you think the coupld should be!


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